My Story Can So Beat Up Your Story...

You know those times when everything has to happen in just such a way and the moons align in just such an order and Murphy writes a new law just special for you just to make the perfect moment - one for the books (or blog for that matter!)? I always say that I've had enough embarrassing moments to last a lifetime, but apparently there's plenty more in store. So sit back and take a peek into my life - because I know you're laughing with me, totally not at me!
A while back I started up a pretty intense exercise regimen and discovered in the first week that the few pairs of old underwear I had weren't going to cut it. I headed out to my nearest Target to purchase some basic, comfortable, nothing too exciting - just something to get the job done - packs of underwear. (the fact that they come in packs should have been enough of a description, but whatever) I had my two younger kids with me - wrestling in the aisles and whining for treats - and was talking to my sister on the phone as I browsed the underwear section. I just wanted something basic - no thongs, no low riders - just basic, but I did have my standards. After checking out the charts on the back (so not a good thing for the self esteem!) I knew the size I wanted and finally found the style that looked reasonable. I threw a few other items in my cart (because you can never leave Target without spending less then $100) and headed on my merry way. The next day I headed out to the gym and without looking at anything too closely I opened the packaged underwear and threw a pair in. When I got to the gym I started to change and unrolled my brand-spankin-new undies. (yes, that's unroll - like I said, BASIC!) only to discover that, by mistake, I bought the biggest granny panties I have ever seen - not the cute boy cut I was eyeing, but big, rise to your chest, balloon out to the legs granny panties. What was I supposed to do? I kept arguing with myself that it was silly, no one would see them and not to be so vain - besides, I already bought them and I didn't want to waste any more money on another package. I went with it and was somewhat proud of myself for not letting vanity win (well how proud can you be sporting a parachute under your pants?) Months have passed and although I still can't stand even the sight of them and cringe when I'm doing laundry, they've worked for me so I've moved on...in a sense.
I always change at the gym after my workout and the only privacy for changing they have is what I would call an over sized cupboard - with no locks. Since there is no way I'm changing in full view (oh, please) I always use the cupboard and have almost mastered the quick change from gym clothes to towel. I've also determined that I'd rather be caught "butt-naked" then in my granny panties - so they are ALWAYS the first to come off. I don't even take my shorts off separately - it's all one motion. I even take my shoes off before I go into the cupboard (for lack of space) just to make the quick change more efficient. Now here comes the whole moons align, Murphy's law part of the story...
The changing room is packed- mostly women coming in from the pool. I grab my bag from my locker and head into the cupboard wondering if there will be any showers available. I'm totally distracted as I hear a lot of commotion just outside the cupboard. Not paying any attention to my routine I start to undress - from the top down!!!! I get to my shorts and have them down to my ankles and realize my shoes are still on...CRAP! I hurry and shimmy out of my shorts and think better then to try and get my grannies over my shoes. I'm halfway done taking off my shoes and socks- one shoe off and one shoe on - when the cupboard door flies open to about 6 teenage girls. There I am in granny panties and one tennis shoe standing in utter shock staring at 6 teenagers with horror stricken faces!!!! Another girl - not the one holding the door open - hurries over to shut the door. My worst nightmare EVER just came true! I hear total silence out there and then comes the snickering and whispering. What am I supposed to do - wait it out? They're teenagers - they're going to take forever to get ready!!! I have to face them sooner or later. I finish undressing - not much left - and wrap the towel so tight around me and slowly open the door. One has her head in the locker right above mine and as I approach her friend calls out "Holly move - she's coming through." "She's coming through"?! No need to even explain who "she" is apparently- they all back up to give me room and I throw my gym clothes back in my locker. I wanted to turn around and say so many things...
- explain to them about the underwear - would they even believe me?
- tell them that I used to be young and cute at one time - would they even care?
- explain that this is what happens to your body when you have 4 kids - scary, I know!
- usually I'm A LOT more stylish, but I was trying not to be vain...yada, yada, yada
- lecture about the whole "knocking before you open" thing - too late now!
So instead I just headed off to the showers hoping that if I stayed in there long enough they would be gone by the time I came out. I did not ever want to see their horrified faces again. i finished showering, they were gone and I survived. I'm totally heading out to Target tonight - no talking on the phone this time. (I'm checking and double checking - and just for good measure, triple checking before this package even goes in the bag!) I'm running back to vanity with open arms and promising to never ever think that I'm better then it - totally sucks for the moral of the story, but whoever said there always had to be one?